"Lord I come, I confess.  Bowing here, I find my rest.  Without you, I fall apart. You're the one that guides my heart.  Lord, I need You. Oh I need You.  Every hour I need  you. My one defense.  My righteousness.  Oh God, how I need You." ~ Matt Maher

These were the lyrics I heard as I turned on my car this afternoon.  I had just come from a meeting at Mitchell's Place. The meeting was our "feedback session" to go over their findings.  "Findings for whom?," you might ask. 

Our sweet Avery Faith.

If you're familiar with Mitchell's Place, you know that most children who attend have some form of Spectrum Disorder.  We are a little different, as there is no Spectrum Disorder in our diagnosis.

Avery Faith has been diagnosed with "Selective Mutism & Social Anxiety Disorder."  I can't even wrap my head around what all this means at the moment.  But I find it cathartic to write (as evidenced by my blogging during Sayla Grace's early arrival), so I'm writing.  Writing whatever comes to mind.  So please forgive my choppiness. ;o)  I hope to continue blogging during this journey, but who knows.  This could be my one and only post about it. 

Feel free to talk with me about this.  It is not a secret (obviously or I wouldn't be sharing!).  And I welcome any questions you may have.  I may not have an answer, but I'll try!

By now I'm sure you've stopped to google Selective Mutism (SM).  If not, here's the gist of it.  Selective Mutism is a complex childhood anxiety disorder characterized by a childs inability to speak and communicate effectively in select social settings, such as school. These children are able to speak and communicate in settings where they are comfortable, secure, and relaxed.  It is often coupled with some type of social anxiety disorder (90% of the time).


Not all children manifest their anxiety in the same way. Some may be completely mute and unable to speak or communicate to anyone in a social setting, others may be able to speak to a select few or perhaps whisper. (This is typically how Avery Faith reacts).  Some children may stand motionless with fear as they are confronted with specific social settings. They may freeze, be expressionless, unemotional and may be socially isolated. (She does this too).  Less severely affected children may look relaxed and carefree, and are able to socialize with one or a few children but are unable to speak and effectively communicate to teachers or most/all peers.

If you know our Avery Faith, you know this describes her.  She will not speak to you if in a public/social setting (unless her big sis is around).  And it's more than just your typical shyness.  This is not something she can overcome alone.  If left untreated, children with SM become socially inept, reclusive and their daily lives are severely hindered as a result.  Some even become non-functioning members of society. 

We are so blessed to have a teacher in Avery Faith's life that recognized something wasn't quite right.  She is truly her angel and we cannot thank her enough for bringing this to our attention!  :o)

So I'm sure by this point you're wondering why in the world I'm putting all of this out there for the world to see.  The reason is two-fold.  First, from what I've been told, the treatment for SM is very specific.  And EVERY person who is involved in her care has to know the in's and out's of those specifics.  It's important to share the details of how to effectively communicate with her so that she will progress in different settings.  (Of course I will also personally share those details with her caregivers).  Right now I have no clue what the specifics of her treatment are, so bear with me!!

Second, Selective Mutism is rare.  So rare, in fact, that we cannot find anyone locally to treat her.  The sweet therapists at Mitchell's Place already did much of the legwork for us, and have not been able to locate any local professionals to help us.  The nearest "expert" on the matter is Dr. Shipon-Blum in Jenkintown, PA.  She runs the "SMart Center" for treatment of children with SM.  We will be contacting the center in the coming week to find out our options for getting treatment with her.  Apparently she does some web based therapy so we can (hopefully) easily take advantage of what they have to offer. 

I know that because we cannot get treatment locally, neither can anyone else.  So I feel led to share our journey, in the off chance it might help someone else struggling with this same issue.  Because being given this type of diagnosis, and not having anyone to turn to, makes you feel quite alone. 

The Lord knew I needed to hear the lyrics to that song this afternoon.  I've not been where I need to be spiritually lately, and those lyrics brought me to my knees.  Those words went straight to my heart.  Only twice before in my life have I literally "felt" God's presence working in me.  First when I accepted Christ at age 15, and again when Sayla Grace was born at 27 weeks. 

And again today.  God tugged so hard at my heart it hurt.  If you've been there, you know that feeling.  He let me know he never left me.  He reminded me he is unfailing.  He told me THIS is his plan for our sweet Faithy.  THIS is her journey.  He will help us find our way.  I feel lost.  He's already found me.  All I have to do is trust Him. 

Her name means "Confirmed Faith."   Since the day we found out we were pregnant with her, she has been my confirming my faith. 

This journey has only made it stronger.

"Help Me Find It" 

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This post might be a bit scatterbrained.  It's been a while since my last post, and I'm tired.  But I feel the need to write down some of my experiences with cloth diapering the girls, so I can either look back and laugh at myself, or maybe be proud that I accomplished something that seemed so daunting.  I've yet to determine which it will be, but here goes.

About a month ago, I sat down and calculated how much we were spending on diapers for our girls (ages 2 and 16 months).  All told, for disposable daytime/nighttime diapers, wipes, rash cream (and lots of it!), we were spending $166 per month.  And that was only if we didn't randomly run out of something mid month - which happened frequently cause I'm a terrible planner.

I've been toying with the idea of cloth diapering since my oldest was a little bitty baby, but never got the guts to follow through.  I actually bought one BumGenius diaper when my youngest was born, tried it once (it leaked everywhere), and I *gasp* threw.it.away.  What I wouldn't give to have that diaper back!!  *I have since found that it leaked because I didn't do the prep washes required to make the absorbency function work (more on that later).

Realizing how much money we could be saving each month - or in my mind - spending on something I don't have to throw away - I decided to bite the bullet.  With some Christmas money I had saved up, I bought a random stash of cloth diapers (and did a TON of research in the process).  And I became obsessed, before they even arrived at my door. 

I checked the UPS status daily to see where they were.  I went online daily to look for better/different deals, and when I just couldn't wait any longer, I went to Whole Foods and bought one that I could hold in my hands. Yes, I'm still talking about diapers.  I live and breathe my children...forgive me.

So they all finally arrived, and after doing all the prep washing - I bought all pocket dipes so all the liners had to be washed 3-5 times: cold prewash, hot wash, double rinse, extended spin, hot dry, repeat!  (I just washed the shell once and line dried those) - I was ready to try them. 

Here's a rundown of my thoughts so far:

bumGenius 4.0 One-Size Stay-Dry - I have 5 of these, 2 hook/loop closure (aka Velcro) and 3 snap closure.  I prefer the snap, because even my 1 year old can take off the hook/loop by herself.  It's not very strong, but it holds when she's not messing with it.  As with every diaper in my stash, with one large insert, both of my heavy wetters can survive a 3 hour nap in them with no leaks.  Night sleep requires one large insert, and a doubler and they wake up after 13 hours (yes, I have awesome sleepers!) completely dry with no leaks.  The liners shimmy out in the wash on their own, so there's no need to remove them from their pocket before putting in your wet bag.  So far, these are one of my top favorites.  They are super simple to stuff, they keep my babies dry and they come in fun colors.  Snap is the way to go for me, since apparently I live with little nudists.

FuzziBunz One Size ELITE - This is the one that I bought at Whole Foods because I'm impatient.  I don't recommend being impatient.  This is the one diaper I would give back if I could.  They do not stuff well - the inside of the cover's liner is "sticky" and makes it very difficult to get the liner situated in the pocket (a common complaint I've read since).  It absorbs well, and does the job in the leak department, but I need things to be easy, and the stuffing part just makes this one too much of a hassle for me.  Also, no matter how tight or loose I put them on my girls, they always leave red marks on their skin where the elastic is (and there's nothing wrong with the diaper itself).  Perhaps it's just not a good fit for my girls.  Needless to say, but I won't be buying anymore FB.


Blueberry One Size Deluxe Cloth Diaper - I have one of these in my stash.  I loved the design, and just couldn't resist. I have the hook/loop closure, which is MUCH stronger than the hook/loop of the BG's.  But tonight my 2 year old proved it's not strong enough.  We'll be buying snaps from now on.  Same deal here.  No leaks, super cute designs and they wash well.  This one you can throw in the dryer on low if you're in a pinch, but I would recommend line drying to make it last longer.  And the liner shimmy's out on its own.  LOVE this dipe and will likely add more BB's to my stash.

Kawaii Fun Print Snap One Size Diaper - I received one of these as a freebie when I ordered another dipe on Kelly's Closet.  It has become my FAVORITE diaper out of all of them, and is about $10 cheaper than the others!!  Why do I love it more than the others?  A few reasons:  First, when I take it out of the wash, it's practically dry.  Much drier than the others.  So it's ready to use quicker.  Second, the lining of the cover (that touches baby's bum if you use it as pocket dipe), is this super duper soft material that I'm sure has a name, but I can't think of it right now.  Third - I put this diaper on my youngest before bed, and I thought she had pooped, so I removed it to check.  I felt the lining, and it was bone dry.  It had been a while since I put it on her, so I checked the insert and it was absolutely soaked.  I was so shocked that I went to check the 2 year old (in the Blueberry) and it was not the same story.  The lining was semi dry, but I could still feel some teetee there.  (both got changed just in case!).  But I was so impressed with the drying power of the Kawaii that I was instantly hooked.  And they come in SUPER CUTE designs!!  AND they're cheap!! Who could resist?!  *Hopefully they won't fall apart after a few washes, but I'll keep you updated!  Definitely buying more of this brand.

Thirsties Fab Cloth Wipes - I've gone full blast and am using cloth wipes too.  I just ordered these because the reviews were good, and they seemed like a good value.  I like that the sides are different colors, so you know which side you've used.  The colored side is better for big messes, while the white side is softer and seems to wipe more smoothly.  I like them alright, but I don't have anything to compare them to, so I'll be buying some other types just for comparison sake.

Applecheeks Gentle Cleansing Solution - I use this to moisten the cloth wipe before use and to clean dirty hands/faces when out and about.  It's all natural, and smells fabulous.  No complaints from the girls either!  It's a keeper.

I also have a bottle of California Baby Diaper Area Wash that I bought with the FB at Whole Foods.  I love the smell, and it's super convenient to be able to buy this locally.  However, the baby had a diaper rash today from napping in poop - how was I supposed to know?  The cloth diaper contained the smell so well, and she was sleeping so soundly!! - Anywho, I sprayed this on her, and she screamed her little head off.  Apparently it does burn, even though it claims not to.  I'll keep it, and will perhaps buy more, but only for use on non-red bums. 

I'm washing all of this in Rockin' Green Cloth Diaper Laundry Detergent.  Partly because it has a cool name, claims to do cool things, and mostly because I can buy it locally!  It smells great, and so far is doing the job.  I understand that could change with the more use the dipes get, but I'll worry about that later.

Oh, and the ever present, "What do you do with the poop?" question....I just knock it off into the toilet.  Not a big deal.  If you have kids, you deal with poop on a daily basis.  Throwing it into the toilet instead of wrapping it up to stink up your room is actually working out better for our noses.  And my house smells amazingly more fresh.  No more stale diaper smell.  Oh, and the Bac Out helps!  I spray it on each poopy diaper before tossing it into the wet bag. 

My takeaway?  Cloth will be our new normal.  I wish I had done this year's ago!  With 2 girls, a husband and a dog, I do laundry multiple times a day, so what's one more load?  Nothing in my eyes.  I'll need more diapers.  I have 8 now, shared between two heavy wetters.  Because I have so few, I have to wash them daily which I know will wear them out faster.  I want at least 12 for the baby, preferably 18 (I've heard is a good number), and I've decided to forgo cloth with the oldest and start with fully potty training.  I'm thinking of trying the GroVia My Choice Trainer based on reviews and functionality. She needs more of a kick start than the Gerber undies are going to provide. 

So that's it for now!  Maybe more later as I get further along.

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We are on day 11 of our Real Food challenge. I know I said it was a 10 day challenge, but I also said I would blog about it daily. And well, you see how that went! Life intervened. But now that we're done with the first 10 days, I can give you a recap! Forgive my horrible memory, though. I'll do the best I can.

We started our 10 Days of Real Food challenge by nixing everything boxed, bagged or processed in any form. Well, I take that back. If it was processed, it was minimally, and all naturally. (See previous post for the Rules!) But most of our food came from the outskirts of our local Publix - fruits, veggies, grass-fed/free range meat with no hormones, antibiotics, etc. No food dyes, no preservatives, no extra nothin'! We had to make a few trips to Whole Foods, but by the end of the week I had found everything I needed at a DIFFERENT Publix. Turns out they carry items based on the demographics of the market. And Vestavia seems to enjoy more natural products than Pelham!

The first few days were difficult. O and I were NOT excited while all that sugar left our system. But we muscled through it. The girls didn't know the difference - except that their beloved "Go-Fish" were gone. Have you seen all the ingredients in those Goldfish? Yuck!

I found a lot of recipes on the 100daysofrealfood.com website, and on foodnetwork.com (from the 5 Ingredient Fix show). The best of the week was the Dad's Chicken Salad from 5 Ingredient Fix. We put it in whole wheat pitas, added a little spinach and honey, and had it for lunch.

Breakfast all week was typically whole wheat waffles, though I altered the recipe to make them more fluffy - a tad more baking powder, a tad more baking soda, a tad less oil and a tad less milk. Each time you make it you can change it up and figure out the best for your family.

Along with the waffles, O, AF and I had eggs (SG didn't care for them), and SG had plain whole milk yogurt with a little maple syrup to sweeten (AF didn't care for it!). And various fruit on the side.

At the beginning of the week, lunches consisted of chicken fingers, Dad's Chicken Salad or leftovers from the previous night's dinner. It got expensive. But then we discovered Whole Foods, and acceptable lunch meat (which I later found at Publix). They also have acceptable Big Sky Bread (also at some Publix'). Along with the sandwich is a cheese stick and some steamed veggies courtesy of the Beaba that I still use just for steaming veggies for the girls.

Mid afternoon snacks are usually some fruit, or a smoothie (which is difficult to get the girls to drink!).

For dinner we've tried various recipes - from Citrus Garlic Roasted Chicken (I loved, O not so much). We tried the tuna from this recipe with some rice and veggies. Ehh. It was alright. Basic steak/chicken on the grill too. Nothing too crazy for dinner. Oh, and there is acceptable pasta (you just have to search for it unless you're at Whole Foods), to which we added peppers, onions, sausage and acceptable sauce (from Whole Foods).

By the end of the week I had gotten smart and creative, and started making acceptable meals from non-acceptable recipes. You just have to think about it and substitute things. Like use Greek Yogurt when it calls for mayo. Regular yogurt when it calls for sour cream/ice cream. Honey instead of sugar. And stock up on your spices.

During my last shopping trip I found some crackers for the girls, and some chips and salsa for O and me. Which makes for happy snacking.

The lessons we learned were this: It's EXPENSIVE to eat healthy. But if you use coupons, and plan your meals a week at a time (plan everything - breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner), you can do it a little cheaper. The mistake I made in the beginning was not planning, and I ended up at the store every night and spent WAAAYY too much money. Plan for those "grazing" times when you're bored or just need to munch on something. Those cost me in the beginning because the food I had planned for something else usually got eaten during those grazing events!!

Also, plan to get to know your kitchen. The only gadgets I needed were my waffle iron and my smoothie blender. You could make pancakes though, and not need the waffle iron, and well, if you want a smoothie you'll need a blender.

But I'm now spending a ton of time cooking, planning and preparing (not in that order!). I do alot during nap times, after the girls go to bed and early in the morning before they get up. You can also make things ahead of time and freeze them for later. Keeping dinner simple - like chicken/steak and veggies makes for quick prep/quick cooking meals.

In 10 days I lost 5 pounds AND I'm wearing a belt for the first time since middle school. I lost the first 3 without even lifting a finger. I think I kept it all off this week by working out a few times a week though. O lost weight too, just not sure how much. But the girls - are gaining. They have more energy, they are happier - FAR less tantrums - and get full faster and stay full longer (we all do).

The entire process has really made me think about what my family puts into their bodies. I feel like a better wife and mother for providing healthy meals that will keep everyone satisfied.

Many have expressed an interest in this challenge, and I would encourage you to give it a try! If you're up for it (and your family is up for it!), start with the 10 Day Challenge. Get to know that website and read over the rules! I made a binder to keep acceptable recipes and lists of "ok" food.

Make sure you share with your entire family that you are doing this. We eat out or over at the parent's house alot, and they have had to alter their meal plans to accommodate us! So make sure anyone you eat with regularly is supportive of your efforts, or even that they are ok with you cooking or bringing your own meals, or else you're sure to slip! Hey, you could even try to encourage them to do the challenge along with you!

But if you're not up for the entire challenge just yet, but are still interested in making healthier choices, there are small steps you can make on a daily basis to ease into things. Click here and scroll down to the links to each week. Week 1 - add 2 fruits/vegetables to each meal. Do this for a week. Then move on to week 2 - the more difficult - "Real" beverages. And so on. By the end of it, you'll be on your way to only eating real food!

And as the title of this post says, we are on Day 11. We have decided to make this a life change (for now at least), though I'm sure we'll have a few times here and there where we slip! But just to let you know how serious we are...I have had a 5 pound bag of m&ms and cake pops (frozen from the girls' birthday party) in my house for the past 11 days, and we haven't touched them. Nor have we wanted them.

I think our tastebuds have changed. For the better.

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Sunday marked our first day of "Real Food" - nothing processed, and if it must come from a package it can only have 5 ingredients or less with 100% WHOLE grains (and preferably no sugar). The thought being that the more ingredients a product has, the more processed it has been, thus containing too many preservatives. Here's a review of the "Rules" in case you're late to the party.

So Day 1 wasn't so bad. As O said, "I'm not excited about doing that tomorrow, but it wasn't that bad." We started the day with homemade whole-wheat waffles (could have been pancakes if you don't have a waffle iron. (Tip of the day - Spray the waffle iron with cooking spray between EVERY waffle. You won't be happy with yourself if you forget.)

They were surprisingly good! A little flat (need more baking powder I think).

But the girls loved them and asked for seconds!

I messed us up for lunch. Lunch was Almond Butter and Jelly on "real food" bread (Big Sky Bakery found at Whole Foods). But when buying the jelly, I just bought "organic" and forgot to look at the ingredients, which equals massive amounts of sugar. I was supposed to by "All Fruit Spread" which contains NO added sugar, and is simply mashed up fruit. But with that we had unsweetened applesauce and veggie chips (sweet potato, squash, etc). All in all, lunch FAIL.

Dinner was simple grilled chicken (with a little salt and pepper) and grilled veggies. No marinade. It was fabulous. Note to self - our family requires more protein than this plan provides.

I also made some homemade granola bars for snacking. I should've made it in two batches because mine was too thick and is very crumbly. This batch is better for cereal. And I couldn't find sesame seeds, so I subbed flax seeds.

I'm cheating and allowing my coffee with a touch of real cream, flavored creamer. I just can't give that up. And we're having water and unsweet tea to drink.

All in all, Day 1 was doable. According to our scale I lost a pound! But that could have been my mean scale playing a nasty trick on me and trying to find a new job!

I've got some adjustments to make to make it work for our family, but so far, we're still going at it!

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As the girls and I were enjoying our lunch this afternoon, I was browsing the internet on my phone and came across this article about eating healthy. I looked down at our lunch. Chick-fil-A is healthy, right? I mean, I’m munching on a grilled chicken wrap, and I got the girls fruit instead of fries. That’s healthy. Right? (We just won’t talk about the fries that I ate, or the high sugar lemonade we were ALL drinking. Or the dressing with count them, TWENTY FIVE ingredients!)

According to the article I was reading, that was about the most unhealthy lunch I could’ve chosen. I mean, I still have about 15 pounds of post baby weight to lose, diabetes runs in our family, and my blood pressure (while controlled without medicine now), is still on the brink of needing meds to control.

We’ve started eating out more than I would like, and the girl’s snacks always consist of something from a box or a bag. And dinner, IF I make it, isn’t much better. I typically drown the chicken or steak we eat in some sort of high sodium marinade, and our veggies are always frozen – not fresh.

If I ever plan to lose this weight, our family needs an overhaul. I need to take more time to prepare healthy food for my family, and teach my children the right and wrong ways to eat.

So we’re going to start with the “10 Day Challenge” (as described here). And we’ll see where it goes from there. Hopefully I can help us keep up with it, and make it a lifestyle change. I’m going to try to keep track of our adventure on the blog, but no promises (seeing as how it’s been almost a year since my last post!). And I have a grand plan to keep a binder of all the recipes and ideas I gather and I’ll share those too. I figure if I put it all out there for people to read, I’ll have to keep up with it!

We’ll begin right after I finish these fries…and maybe a handful of M&Ms. Cause we all need just one more treat, right?!

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