The first step is admitting you have a problem, right?
Hi there. My name is Jessica. I'm a new mom (again), and I have a problem. It's a problem that I imagine many new (or new again) moms struggle with. But how would I know? No one talks about it.
And I can understand why. It's not pretty, it's not normal and it's definitely not included in the whole "Keeping Up With the Jones'" box that we moms try to fit ourselves into. You know what box I'm talking about...
...that *Jones* mother that seems to have it all together. She and her 2 and a half beautiful children at the park with their dog. Mom in her pre-pregnancy size 0 skinny jeans and the kids dressed like they belong in a magazine. While dad sits in his corner office making the big bucks. And their life is perfect - not a care in the world. It is the life we all dream of, right?
Wrong! Mrs. Jones is secretly falling apart inside. Mr. Jones is trying to figure out how to get out of his dead end job, and still pay off their mounting debt. The dog has allergies and the kids are a shear terror when you're not around. Oh, and those skinny jeans? Underneath them is a layer of Spanx so tight she might get enough oxygen with every other breath.
Somehow just thinking that the Jones' actually have the same problems we all face makes it all better. At least a little bit.
So what's my problem? We are not the Jones' by any means. But I am not falling apart inside. My husband loves his job, and we have zero debt. My dog does have allergies. And my kids are actually pretty pleasant when you're not around. I've NEVER worn a size 0, and I wouldn't dare think about even trying on skinny jeans. Heck I don't even own a normal pair of jeans that fits! And I still can't breathe when I squeeze myself into my size 8 Target cargos - no Spanx included!
But in all seriousness, I am struggling.
It's not easy being a mom. Not a mom of one, two or 20 (I do NOT know how the Duggar's do it!). And I'm the first to admit that I've had trouble.
Maybe it's because I was a Psych major in college that I feel comfortable talking about my feelings. Heck when Sayla Grace was born I talked about my cervix like it was the weather. So it really should come as no shock to you that I'm now writing about my feelings, and putting something that many consider so personal out there for everyone to see. I'm not trying to air out my dirty laundry (or whatever that saying is), but I am trying to bring attention to a topic that many new moms probably struggle with but never talk about.
I'm talking about the Baby Blues...and Postpartum Depression.
I'm not sure which I have, but I have one or the other. Or both. Probably the latter. I am in therapy and I'm not afraid to say it.
I feel like this is a topic that is very hush hush in our society. I have no statistics or anything like that, but I do have a lot of new mom friends. And I don't know a one of them that has "come out" and said they have had a problem with their emotions after baby's arrival. But if I were a bettin' woman I would put money on it that at least one of my friends has been there, done that. And I'm sure some got the t-shirt, but it's hiding away in their closet somewhere, for fear of not fitting in the Jones' box.
Well I've got the t-shirt, and I'm wearing it proudly. I'm not going to sit here and tell you each individual thing that I'm struggling with. That's what I'm paying my therapist for. But I do want you to know that this is a real problem with new moms, and it needs to be recognized.
The nurses in the hospital talk to you about it briefly while you're there. They make you sign something saying you feel great, which I think most everyone signs just so they can go home without being annoyed with one more thing. The nurses ask you about it the day you leave, and then call you a week or so later to check on you. You're busy when they call, so you say whatever you have to just to get them off the phone. And that's it. No one asks you about how you're REALLY feeling. You're on your own - whether you have help or not.
It's the reason I've been MIA on the blog, and in life in general. This doesn't mean I want you to tip-toe around me, and constantly ask me how I'm feeling. I'm not fragile and I won't break. In fact, I need you to be normal!! The more normal you are, the more normal I'm going to feel.
I'm getting better, and things are getting more routine. I really won't harp on this long, I just need to get it out there. I need everyone to recognize that many mom's struggle with this, and it's not a cake walk.
If you are a new (or new again) mom, and you are struggling with this, call your OB and ask him/her to refer you to someone to talk to. That's all you have to do. You don't have to tell your doctor what you're feeling. Just say, "Can you refer me to someone I can go talk to about all of this stress?" It doesn't mean you're crazy, or that you are a bad mother. But I can tell you it helps to be able to vent to a neutral party and get some advice. Don't struggle with this alone. At the very least, you can use that hour of therapy as "me" time!!
And dad's, grandparents and anyone close to a new mom...look for signs that she's struggling - she's not herself, she snaps at things she normally wouldn't snap at, she cries more than normal, she lacks interest in her child/children. Gently tell her that you think it might help for her to talk to someone.
She'll thank you later.
